- Stars including Julia Fox, Lenny Kravitz, and some Gen Zers are abstaining from sex.
- Some are making political statements, while for others it's an act of self care.
- Celibacy can be a good way to recharge after negative experiences, a psychologist said.
Charlie Michael Baker used to be "majorly sexually active," but at age 17 he's decided he's not having any more sex.
"No sex, no kissing, no talking, no cuddling," Baker, who is from the UK where the age of consent is 16, told Business Insider.
"If I was to find a man that truly wowed me, lived close-ish, and actually treated me like a human with feelings, then I'd consider breaking my celibacy," said Baker, an influencer. Until then, he's done with getting his heart broken by people who just want sex.
And he's not alone in giving up sex. For their own reasons, both Julia Fox and Lenny Kravitz have chosen not to have sex in years, while Suki Waterhouse and Justin Bieber purposely avoided it for months before they met their current partners.
Abstinence isn't new. Asceticism, or rejecting worldly pleasures, has been practiced in many religions for centuries. In more recent memory, some second-wave feminists advocated for "political lesbianism," ditching sex with men for women, in an attempt to disrupt the patriarchy in the 20th century, while in the early 2000s, Disney starlets wore purity rings to show their commitment to waiting until marriage to have sex.
But it feels like sexual abstinence is having a moment for reasons unique to our current zeitgeist, from economic roadblocks that stunt adulthood to acts of self-care, regardless of age.
People are having less sex, for personal and political reasons
Due to a combination of young people drinking and partying less, living with their parents for longer, and the rise of video games, they are hitting milestones associated with adulthood later — including having sex. That, in turn, has reduced how much casual sex they're having compared with past generations, according to a 2021 study by sociologists using survey data from 18 to 23-year-olds, or Gen Zers, in the US.
But for others, not having sex is a more conscious choice. After Roe v Wade was overturned in 2022, almost 30% of women of reproductive age in the US lost access to abortion in their state, according to data from the Guttmacher Institute, a research and policy organization. This led some to use abstinence as a means to protect themselves against unwanted pregnancy.
Actor Julia Fox is one of those women. She told the Zach Sang Show podcast in May: "if they are going to take away our rights to our body and our reproductive rights, well then, this is my way of taking them back."
Meanwhile, young Korean women of the "4B," or "Four Nos" movement reject relationships with men — including dating, sex, marriage, and having kids — to protest against misogyny. Workplace sexism is commonplace in Korea, and almost 35% of women have experienced gendered violence in their lifetime, according to a 2021 study by its government.
Similarly, Gen Z women in the US are swearing off sex because men they've dated have treated them badly, BI's Jordan Parker Erb reported last year. Some see celibacy as an act of self-love that enables them to reevaluate their relationships with their bodies and sex, and establish boundaries with partners.
Baker said that although the celibacy movement isn't limited to people attracted to men, he personally "hates" men, and relates to the "men, yuck" TikTok trend.
It makes sense, then, that dating app Bumble was met with a backlash for ads saying celibacy "is not the answer," as people felt it shamed young women for not having sex and ignored the fact that some people might be celibate in response to trauma or because they're asexual.
Lenny Kravitz approaches abstinence from the opposite perspective, telling The Guardian in May that he hasn't had sex in nine years after he realized his behavior was starting to resemble his cheating father's, and he "didn't want to be that guy."
He said: "It's a spiritual thing."
Abstaining from sex can be positive, a therapist said
Whatever the reason, there's no harm in abstaining from sex if a person feels better for it, particularly if they avoid people who have treated them poorly in the past, Sandra Wheatley, a psychologist with a special interest in relationships and a chartered member of the British Psychological Society, told BI.
Periods of abstinence can be restorative, allowing a person to recharge after bad experiences and figure out their priorities, she said.
For Baker, celibacy makes him feel more comfortable with himself because he no longer feels the need to "keep a man happy," and avoids getting hurt by people who give him "false hope."
At the same time, Wheatley warned people not to cut themselves off from "potential joy."
It's about weighing up the risk versus the reward while remaining flexible. "If you start to feel that it is no longer effective for you, then do something different," she said.
"In affairs of the heart," she said, "you have to take risks."